BLAME IT ON RENO

BLAME IT ON RENO

The Story

  

1- THE CRAZIEST STORY EVER TOLD     

            Mama Carlotta would tell anyone who would listen about the craziest story she’d ever heard. It was crazier than the time Terrence decided to divorce his wife after he’d been fooling around with another woman in town for over a year. Mama Carlotta had gone with Terrence to the divorce court for moral support. She sat in the back of the court imbibing the dry odor of aged mahogany paneled walls and the musty smells of sodden disappointments.

            Terrence’s’ wife, Sybil, came into the courtroom dressed in a faded flower print dress; a button-less lint speckled dirty brown woolen sweater which hung off her shoulders; and black disheveled matted hair. She looked like she’d been dragged through the streets. For Terrence it was his big day in court. He was dressed in a new black leather jacket, pressed denim blue jeans and a white silk shirt. He looked fabulous.

            Sybil’s Attorney had no trouble getting Terrence’s wages garnished for the next ten years, until his two kids graduated from high school, while providing Sybil with a expense account which she'd never had when married.

            Terrence didn’t help himself by attempting to be his own Attorney. Even the judge had a momentary lapse of legal etiquette when his eyes welled up in tears as he performed legal castration on Terrence...

BLame it on reno

The Screenplay

FADE UP:

Ext. A California Valley town   day

NORM & STEVE put suitcases into a red convertible Chevrolet, circa 1975.

They get into the car, talking; Steve drives and does most of the talking.

                                   STEVE

                                             Norm, what you’ve got to

                                             understand is that women are

                                             like dogs, they’ll stay with

                                             the one who feeds them the most.

                                                (pause)

Steve negotiates the driveway exit

                          Now I’m not saying your Anna’s

like that, nor my Rosa, but you’ve

got to understand that marriage

is just like having a pet.

Provide just enough goodies

and they’ll stay obedient and

happy.

                                                NORM

Well this is the most important

day of my life; I don’t care

what you say. Anna and me are

different. We understand each

other and each other’s ways.

                        STEVE 

                                     (mockingly)                   

Yeah, Yeah, Norm, sure you do,

and you’re gonna have cuddly

understanding kids too!

Steve winks at Norm, who looks at him a little hurt

           

Don’t take it to heart. You know

how I am. I’m not the marrying

kind, so what do I know?

                                                NORM

                                     (worried)                         

Are you sure you packed my tuxedo?

                                                STEVE

                        Sure, sure, don’t sweat it man.

                        I’ve arranged everything; the

                        Rivera Hotel in Reno; the Tom

                        Jones tickets and an appointment

at the Crystal Chapel at twelve tonight.

                                                            NORM

                                                (Relieved, but still worried)

                        It seems like I’ve known Anna

                        all my life. I can remember the

                        first time I met her. In fact,

                        you introduced us.

Steve waves his hand in acknowledgment.

                                                            STEVE

                                  That’s part of your sorry

history now, my friend, because

tonight you’ll be starting a new

life together.

He finishes with a flurry as he pulled up outside

Mama Carlotta’s Hair Salon.

INT. Mama CARLOTTA’S HAIR SALON   day

Bright lights and about 10 hysterical women all excited over Anna getting married.

ROSA (ANNA’S friend) is helping Anna with her clothes, while Anna looks in the mirror and studies her hair and keeps asking…

                                                            ANNA

                        Is it all right…I mean does it

make me look like a dike or

something? I mean… I don’t mean

anything against you Doris, love,

but doesn’t it look kinda flat…?

                                                                        ROSA

                        No, darling, it looks great, your

                                       Norm’s gonna love it. Na it don’t

                                       look like no helmet head...

                                                                  ANNA

                         I’ didn’t say helmet head. See,

                         I knew it wasn’t gonna look right.

                         You’re all laughing at me.

YOU CAN'T PUSH A STRING UP A HILL

YOU CAN'T PUSH A STRING UP A HILL:  https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/667904

  STRUNG UP: Why helping your cousins can only lead to ruin – no good deed goes unpunished!

·  A STRING ALONG: The misadventures of a screenwriter in Hollywood at a Pitch Fest, trying to get his screenplay accepted.

·  BLAME IT ON RENO: a romantic comedy screenplay treatment about two couples, lifelong friends, who go to Reno to get married, but get so drunk on the wedding night, they marry the wrong partner and live happily.

·  THE HAPPINESS ALCHEMIST: The adventures of Aloysius Williams and how they tested his belief in the need for happiness.

·  JAKE, THE SNAKE: A complaint about a friend who was a bully, coward, and successful businessman.

·  CANE & ABE: The story of two friends whose lives go in opposite directions yet somehow teach the same life lessons.

·  PUSHING ON A STRING: An American and an Anglo-Caribbean discuss culture shock while traveling across the Sahara desert.

·  THE HELPER: A poem.

·  THE POET: Working with poets is like pushing a string up a hill; only those with limitless patience need apply.

·  PULLING ON A STRING: What is the meaning of life? Perhaps you find it going for a swim?

·  LIGHT-FINGURED LOUIE: The adventure of a thief and his conversion to Christianity.

·  TIE ME UP, Tie me down: It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. It was a twentieth-century marriage – the perfect imperfection.

·  ANOTHER COUNTRY: An African-American man and an Anglo-Caribbean man meet in Israel and discover that it’s a culture that connects and divides people, not color!

·  MONEY: PUSHING ON A STRING: If all economists were laid end to end, they would still not reach a conclusion. A study of the origins of the term “pushing on a string” and a look at how economists screw up the economy.

·  CULTIVATING BLINDNESS: A poem.

·  SEASONS ON A ROPE: The trials and tribulations of an immigrant who does everything to fit into American society but runs afoul of a twist of fate.

·  HAWAIIAN HANG-UP: A son returns to his family in Hawaii for his father’s funeral and finds himself caught up in the family’s gangster past and present – “Do the meek inherit the earth?”

·  ROLL OF THE DICE: The ills of gambling clash with the sensitivities of a man who only wants to help.

·  THE PRODIGAL FATHER: No matter what he’s done (or hasn’t done), you can’t give up on your father!

·  ONLY IN AMERICA: A young boy from Ghana comes to America on a visit and is confounded by the use of a ubiquitous and uniquely American word.

·  THE VANITIES OF DESIRE: A poem.

·  THE END OF MY ROPE: After eleven years enduring petty racism, obdurate spitefulness, pointless bickering, and cowardly and deceitful behavior, I had had enough

Should Auld Acquaintance    

And too soon this will end and another begin

we check ourselves for revisions

but the New Year demands newness not regurgitation.

So we meditate on our ki, adjust our yang

and make love to our synapses.

All is ready

just wait for the bell to toll

the clock to strike

the kisses to smack

the mistletoe will do the rest.

But wait.

We did this last year, and the year before and the year….

So why should this year be different?

A year older, lonelier, bolder, surer?

Yes, of our new destiny!

Let us go back then to

the beginning of our time here.

It was about our acquaintances, friends

bookends that held the 

leaves of our meaning together.

Yes, that was it.

We start again each year

reminding ourselves of our

loved ones pining for each other

in some forgotten region that we

have not entered for the past 365 days.

Divine Providence 

Suffering –

God given for

punishment

&

edification?

The sacrifice

of suffering offers

no reward

but

the consciousness of the self

floating

in

a void

of its own

misunderstanding.

Pain –

is the measurement

of

our trial

through

this

life,

The

litmus

test

of our

machine

existence.

Man will give up everything but his suffering!

God if you are near

God if you are near

Listen to my heart.

If I’m a short distance

Tell be how far.

In your garden of senses

I breathe in butterflies

Littering the sky

As the dank putrid earth

Blossoms in jasmine.

Alone with the creatures of your roots

I mark my place - forgiven, forgotten.

THE RITUALS FOR SUCCESS

THE RITUALS FOR SUCCESS

Imagine rising each morning, exercising (nothing frantic- perhaps a short walk) some stretches, sit-ups; Tai Chi; meditating 15-20 minutes on just 3 things you plan to be successful at today. You recite your prays and affirmations eat a healthy breakfast and leave your home with a simple ritual for success!

This simple ritual for success, of a good diet, exercise and mindfulness about your day ahead,  if cultivated, will increase and reward you continuously throughout your days, weeks, months and years to come. Because the first rule for success is consistency that builds confidence! And confidence like many things can be learned if we are consistent! But, it requires a daily ritual for success to remind us of what is important, meaningful and rewarding to us.

My name is Ian Moore, Life & Career Coach, Teacher, and Writer. I want to share with you how to build confidence by developing a consistent daily ritual for success.

I do not come to you as someone who studied these things in college. I’ve not written any dissertations on the migrating habits of career birds or the disillusion of lost Jobs in the age of technological. No! I come to you as an entrepreneur who has had to re-invent himself, many times over. I come to you as someone who has learned that the golden rule of life is that you must never ever, EVER give up!

I want to discuss 3 ideas that are saboteurs to consistency and success:

One, what frustration teaches us about how we see the world?

Two, why we are so down on ourselves, and

Three, how can we transform negativity into confidence?

No Good Deed

NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED

Joyce was my cousin, from the Islands, and we’d had such a good time when I was there on a recent trip, I felt close to her. And so, as I was always in need of family love I agreed to be a co-signer for her daughter’s student loan. It did flash across my mind that my cousin had more close family members living in the States who could have been the co-signer, but of course, I ignored those primal feelings of reason and dread and went happily to the gallows placing my head in the noose to be strung up.

To be continued http://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/icmoore