BLAME IT ON RENO
The Story
1- THE CRAZIEST STORY EVER TOLD
Mama Carlotta would tell anyone who would listen about the craziest story she’d ever heard. It was crazier than the time Terrence decided to divorce his wife after he’d been fooling around with another woman in town for over a year. Mama Carlotta had gone with Terrence to the divorce court for moral support. She sat in the back of the court imbibing the dry odor of aged mahogany paneled walls and the musty smells of sodden disappointments.
Terrence’s’ wife, Sybil, came into the courtroom dressed in a faded flower print dress; a button-less lint speckled dirty brown woolen sweater which hung off her shoulders; and black disheveled matted hair. She looked like she’d been dragged through the streets. For Terrence it was his big day in court. He was dressed in a new black leather jacket, pressed denim blue jeans and a white silk shirt. He looked fabulous.
Sybil’s Attorney had no trouble getting Terrence’s wages garnished for the next ten years, until his two kids graduated from high school, while providing Sybil with a expense account which she'd never had when married.
Terrence didn’t help himself by attempting to be his own Attorney. Even the judge had a momentary lapse of legal etiquette when his eyes welled up in tears as he performed legal castration on Terrence...
BLame it on reno
The Screenplay
FADE UP:
Ext. A California Valley town day
NORM & STEVE put suitcases into a red convertible Chevrolet, circa 1975.
They get into the car, talking; Steve drives and does most of the talking.
STEVE
Norm, what you’ve got to
understand is that women are
like dogs, they’ll stay with
the one who feeds them the most.
(pause)
Steve negotiates the driveway exit
Now I’m not saying your Anna’s
like that, nor my Rosa, but you’ve
got to understand that marriage
is just like having a pet.
Provide just enough goodies
and they’ll stay obedient and
happy.
NORM
Well this is the most important
day of my life; I don’t care
what you say. Anna and me are
different. We understand each
other and each other’s ways.
STEVE
(mockingly)
Yeah, Yeah, Norm, sure you do,
and you’re gonna have cuddly
understanding kids too!
Steve winks at Norm, who looks at him a little hurt
Don’t take it to heart. You know
how I am. I’m not the marrying
kind, so what do I know?
NORM
(worried)
Are you sure you packed my tuxedo?
STEVE
Sure, sure, don’t sweat it man.
I’ve arranged everything; the
Rivera Hotel in Reno; the Tom
Jones tickets and an appointment
at the Crystal Chapel at twelve tonight.
NORM
(Relieved, but still worried)
It seems like I’ve known Anna
all my life. I can remember the
first time I met her. In fact,
you introduced us.
Steve waves his hand in acknowledgment.
STEVE
That’s part of your sorry
history now, my friend, because
tonight you’ll be starting a new
life together.
He finishes with a flurry as he pulled up outside
Mama Carlotta’s Hair Salon.
Bright lights and about 10 hysterical women all excited over Anna getting married.
ROSA (ANNA’S friend) is helping Anna with her clothes, while Anna looks in the mirror and studies her hair and keeps asking…
ANNA
Is it all right…I mean does it
make me look like a dike or
something? I mean… I don’t mean
anything against you Doris, love,
but doesn’t it look kinda flat…?
ROSA
No, darling, it looks great, your
Norm’s gonna love it. Na it don’t
look like no helmet head...
ANNA
I’ didn’t say helmet head. See,
I knew it wasn’t gonna look right.
You’re all laughing at me.
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